Fuck Cancer

Talked to Mom earlier today. The steroids and the radiation are catching up to her and making her exhausted yet not letting her sleep :-/ She also told me that her hair started coming out in clumps today 😦 Haven’t talked to her since, so I have a feeling the hair loss is hitting her hard. It doesn’t matter that we knew it was a matter of time, it still sucks.
With that much radiation going in at that many places on her head it was only a matter of time. I guess she is lucky it took this long. Hopefully the two scarves I ordered will be here in time for me to take them up with me this weekend.
Sounds like she still has steroid appetite, which is fantastic. I am hoping that she will put on some extra weight before we start chemo. Give her a little more padding so that her body has some more stores when the chemo starts messing with her stomach.

It’s been 1 week shy of a month since she got the diagnosis, yet it all still seems surreal. From a caretaker/daughter of the patient perspective, I can’t even pin down my own emotions. Some days I am ok and don’t think about it too much, or when I do I can find the hope and the optimism. Other days (like today) I feel like I am trying to hold on to her with all I have. Like trying to keep her from getting sucked down a long hallway…at one end of the hallway is me, trying to hold on to her for dear life. At the other end is death…just this black void of the unknown.

I can’t believe I am facing the very real possibility of losing my mother at only 32. She’s only 57…

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