I’m back! (sort of)

Hi all!  I haven’t fallen off the face of the earth, I swear!  Life definitely got in the way of blogging for a while, but I will be back soon!  I have some ideas, now I just have to get them written!

Look for new content soon.  New subjects too!  Fat rants, clothes, plus skincare and makeup, coming soon!

Down the Diet Rabbit Hole: A Story*


alice in the rabbit hole1 “Oh shit! How the f*ck did I get here?!” It starts out with a simple declaration: “I really need to eat better. And I could shed a few pounds. It’s for my health.” So you join a weight loss group. You don’t really think of it as a diet because diets don’t work, everybody knows this. You’re just going to eat healthier and lose weight.

You measure and weigh out portions with the fancy food scale you bought and the measuring spoons that tell you exactly what one portion of everything is. At first this is easy and kind of fun, like a game. You’re a little bit hungry, but it tells you that your new diet eating plan is working, or at least that’s what someone in your weight loss group told you. You do frequently think about cookies and cupcakes, a lot more than you used to, but…

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Fuck Cancer

Talked to Mom earlier today. The steroids and the radiation are catching up to her and making her exhausted yet not letting her sleep :-/ She also told me that her hair started coming out in clumps today 😦 Haven’t talked to her since, so I have a feeling the hair loss is hitting her hard. It doesn’t matter that we knew it was a matter of time, it still sucks.
With that much radiation going in at that many places on her head it was only a matter of time. I guess she is lucky it took this long. Hopefully the two scarves I ordered will be here in time for me to take them up with me this weekend.
Sounds like she still has steroid appetite, which is fantastic. I am hoping that she will put on some extra weight before we start chemo. Give her a little more padding so that her body has some more stores when the chemo starts messing with her stomach.

It’s been 1 week shy of a month since she got the diagnosis, yet it all still seems surreal. From a caretaker/daughter of the patient perspective, I can’t even pin down my own emotions. Some days I am ok and don’t think about it too much, or when I do I can find the hope and the optimism. Other days (like today) I feel like I am trying to hold on to her with all I have. Like trying to keep her from getting sucked down a long hallway…at one end of the hallway is me, trying to hold on to her for dear life. At the other end is death…just this black void of the unknown.

I can’t believe I am facing the very real possibility of losing my mother at only 32. She’s only 57…

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Quote of the day



Fashion is one of the very few forms of expression in which women have more freedom than men. And I don’t think it’s an accident that it’s typically seen as shallow, trivial, and vain. It is the height of irony that women are valued for our looks, encouraged to make ourselves beautiful and ornamental… and are then derided as shallow and vain for doing so. And it’s a subtle but definite form of sexism to take one of the few forms of expression where women have more freedom, and treat it as a form of expression that’s inherently superficial and trivial. Like it or not, fashion and style are primarily a women’s art form. And I think it gets treated as trivial because women get treated as trivial.
Fashion is a Feminist Issue: Greta Christina

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Well, darling readers, this blog may be going on a bit of a hiatus or becoming much more personal for a while.

My Mom was diagnosed yesterday with Stage IV metastatic lung cancer.  The cancer has spread to her brain, where she has a tumor on her cerebellum.

Needless to say, all my time and attention are going towards her now, so I likely won’t be posting here much.

The prognosis is not good, and I am not sure how long we will have with her.

If you are the praying type, I would appreciate if you keep her in your prayers. This is going to be a very rough journey and she needs all the help she can get.  If you’re not the praying type, any good thoughts or energy you can spare will be just as good.